"When Grief Doesn’t Make Sense"

Grief is something every one of us will experience, yet it's one of the hardest parts of life to understand. If God is good, why does loss hurt so deeply? Where is He when our prayers seem unanswered? And is there hope beyond the heartbreak?

In this episode of Bible, Basically, we walk through what the Bible really says about grief. From Jesus weeping at Lazarus' tomb to God's promise that He is close to the brokenhearted, we'll discover that faith doesn't eliminate grief, but it gives us hope in the middle of it.

If you've lost someone you love, you're carrying a broken dream, or you're trying to help someone who is grieving, this conversation is for you.

Because grief may be part of our story... but through Jesus, it is never the end of the story.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 2:10

Well, hey, everybody. Welcome back to Bible. Basically, on the off chance, you don't know me. My name is Dennis. And if this is your first time here, thank you so much for spending a little bit of your day with me. My hope every week is simple. We are just figuring out faith together. Today's topic is one that if we're being honest, every single person is going to face. And that is grief. Some of you listening, I know are going through this at the moment. It's still fresh. Maybe more some of you, more like me, it's been years. But certain dates still stop you in your tracks. Mine happened to be yesterday, July eighteenth. That was the anniversary of the passing of my father. And it still hurts. And he passed away over 20 years ago. And it feels like yesterday. Some of you might be listening because someone you love is grieving and you don't know what to do or you don't know what to say. Wherever you are in this process, I am glad you're here. And I also want to say this before going any further: this episode isn't going to answer every single question about suffering. I just can't. I don't know the answers. I wish I did. Or maybe even a harder question, where is God when my heart is breaking? Maybe it's not even that deep. Maybe, maybe it's just, I know God loves me. I know, but why can't He just take this pain away from me? If you've ever asked any of these questions, you're in good company, because I know I have. And the Bible's filled with people who ask those questions. Sometimes we think about the heroes of scripture as people who never struggle, right? Who never doubted or cried. But we already know, based on the studies that we've done throughout these episodes, that that's not true. That's not the Bible we actually read. Abraham buried Sarah. Jacob believed his son Joseph had been killed. Naomi lost her husband to both of her and both of her sons, excuse me. David buried children, friends, and eventually even mourned the death of his own son, Abalom. Absalom, excuse me. The disciples watched Jesus die, and even some of the strongest men and women of faith knew what it felt like to lose someone they loved. Grief isn't evidence of weak faith. It's just evidence that love existed. I mean, you think about it, the deeper the love, the deeper the loss. And that's okay. Sometimes we as Christians accidentally make grieving feel like something we're supposed to rush through. Right? We hear phases, we hear phrases like, oh, they're in a better place. Where God needed another angel, where everything happens for a reason. And look, people say those things because they care. They want to help. But if you've ever been grieving, you know those words can sometimes feel like putting a little band-aid over a gushing wound. You might be comforted to know that the Bible gives us permission to grieve. In fact, it commands us to enter into one another's grief. Romans 12, 15 says, rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. Notice Paul doesn't say, talk people out of mourning. He says, Mourn with them. And honestly, guys, sometimes the most Christ-like thing you can do is simply sit beside someone whose heart is broken. You don't give any speeches, you don't try to provide any easy answers, just being there, just your presence. Because that's often how God ministers to us. Through people who are willing to simply be there. But before we talk about how we grieve, I think we need to answer another question. Does God understand grief? Because sometimes he can feel distant, like untouchable, almost disconnected from what we're experiencing. But then we come to the most, one of the most incredible moments in all of scripture. And that was when Jesus received word that one of his closest friends, his family, Lazarus, was sick. Wasn't just an acquaintance, just someone that he knew in casual. It was someone he loved deeply. And by the time Jesus arrived, Lazarus had already died. Mary and Martha are devastated. Friends have gathered. The atmosphere is exactly what you would expect. People crying, people confused, some people probably wondering why Jesus didn't come sooner. And Martha said something that many of us probably wanted to say to God ourselves Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

Can you hear the heartbreak in that sentence?

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The agony? She's not denying his power. She's just struggling with his timing. And maybe you've prayed something similar. God, if you had stepped in, if you had answered my prayer, if you had healed them, or stopped the accident, or changed the diagnosis, if you had just been there. And then we get the shortest verse in the entire Bible, which when taken in this context is one of the most heartbreaking moments. It's just two words. John eleven thirty-five.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Jesus wept.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Martha comes up to him and says, If you had been here, my brother would not have died. And instead of a verbal response, Jesus wept.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Those two words tell us so much. Think about this for a second. Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

He knew what he was about to do. He knew Lazarus was about to walk out of that tomb at his command. He knew that Lazarus' death wasn't permanent.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

And still he wept. Why? Because love grieves. Because death is heartbreaking.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Watching people suffer matters to God. Jesus didn't stand outside the tomb and was like, stop crying, everybody. I got this. He mourned with them. He entered into their sorrow and he felt the weight of the moment. And he cried with them before he changed their circumstances. And that truly tells me something beautiful about the heart of God. He doesn't wait until your tears are over before he comes close. He meets you in them. Sometimes we picture God standing at a distance saying, Come find me when you've pulled yourself together. But Jesus paints the exact opposite picture. He steps into our grief and he stands beside us in the cemeteries. He sits with us in hospital rooms. He walks with us through empty houses and quiet mornings. And he's not afraid of our tears.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

In fact, he shares them. And I think that's something every grieving person needs to hear.

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God is not disappointed because you're hurting. He isn't frustrated because you still cry. He already knows you're not.

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And yet he stays.

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That may not answer every why, but it answers a really important question. God is not absent from grief.

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He is present in it.

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And I know the next question has entered everybody's mind. And it may not be about your present situation. Maybe it's about a past situation, or maybe it is your present situation. I don't know. But we've all at one point and maybe regrettably uttered the phrase: if God is loving, if God is all powerful, why didn't He stop it? And when we ask, why didn't God stop it? We're asking one of the oldest questions in human history. It's a question that has echoed through hospital rooms and funeral homes, battlefields, and quiet bedrooms in the middle of the night. And guys, I wish I could give you an answer that made every loss make sense. But the truth is, scripture doesn't always tell us why a specific tragedy happens. What it does tell us is who God is in the middle of it. One of the things we have to remember is that death was never part of God's original design. When God created the world in Genesis, he repeatedly called it good. There was no sickness, no cancer, or dementia, or accidents, or funerals, or good bias. Death entered the world because sin entered the world. We live in a creation that is beautiful, but broken. And that doesn't mean every tragedy is a direct punishment for someone's sin. Please don't take it that way. That's not what I mean. Jesus rejected that idea more than once. It just means that the world no longer functions the way God originally intended. And look, you guys are gonna ask, if God knew it was gonna happen, why create us at all? And I gotta be honest, that's a question that Christians have wrestled with for centuries. The Bible really doesn't give a philosophical explanation for every detail. Instead, it it gave us a person. Jesus. God didn't remain away from our suffering. He stepped into it. He experienced betrayal and rejection and pain, extreme physical pain. He experienced the death of his friends. And ultimately, he willingly went to the cross. The God that we worship isn't one who watches suffering from a safe distance. He's the God who entered it himself. Hebrews 4 15 says, For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet he did not sin. He understands. Not because he studied grief, but because he experienced it.

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And a lot of you listening knew my dad. And you knew him at his best.

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Towards the end of his life, my dad made the choice to accept Christ into his life. And it truly made him a new creation.

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And dad turned into my best friend. So when he passed, he passed suddenly. Completely unexpected. And it came as an absolute shock to my family and myself. And when I found out, I cried. And I cried out, why?

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Sometimes we want God to explain our pain. But instead he offers us his presence. And while that may not satisfy every question in our minds, it has sustained believers for thousands of years.

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Because when everything else feels uncertain, God's character isn't.

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Even when life doesn't feel that way, right?

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When it feels like he's just watching.

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Now here's something I think we need to hear. And I want you to understand this. It's okay to ask God hard questions. Read the Psalms. We've talked about this in the past. David asked things like, How long, Lord? And why have you hidden your face from me? Why do you seem so far away? Those aren't prayers of someone with a weak faith. They're prayers of someone who trusted God enough to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

And sometimes we think that faith means never asking why, and that's not true.

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True biblical faith asks why while refusing to let go of God. Jacob literally wrestled with God. Job, question God. Jeremiah, question God. Abakuk, question God. The difference is that they brought their questions to God instead of walking away from him. If all you have today is a broken-hearted prayer that says, God, I don't understand. That's still a prayer, and he hears it. One of my favorite verses about grief is found in Psalm 3418. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Notice what it doesn't say. Doesn't say God's only close to people who have everything figured out. Or he's only near to people whose faith never wavers. It says he is close to the brokenhearted. Sometimes the people who feel least qualified to approach God are actually the ones that he's describing. So if you are one of those beautiful people who are listening today, who are actively going through grief, and your heart feels crushed, you are the kind of person that that verse was written for. One of the biggest misconceptions about Christianity is that hope is supposed to eliminate grief. And it doesn't. Doesn't erase it. It gives grief somewhere to stand. Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 4 13 that we do not grieve like the rest of mankind who have no hope. Notice he doesn't say Christians don't grieve. He said we don't grieve without hope. There's a big difference there. Death hurts. Looking at the empty chair still hurts. Birthdays hurt. Anniversaries hurt. Sometimes you'll hear a song or smell a cologne or perfume. Or drive past a place where you used to go together, and suddenly you're right back there.

SPEAKER_01 24:42

That's not a lack of faith. That's love, remembering.

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Faith is not this magic power that makes you less human. It reminds you that your pain is not the end of the story. Sometimes people quote Romans 8.28 almost like it's supposed to make grief disappear. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him. And that is a beautiful promise, one of the most beautiful promises in Scripture. But notice what it doesn't say. It doesn't say all things are good.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Death isn't good.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Cancer isn't good. Loss isn't good. Those things break God's heart too. The promise is that God can redeem what sin has broken. He can bring hope out of despair, purpose out of pain. He can bring life out of death. The cross is a perfect example of that. The worst event in human history became the means of our salvation. If God can redeem the cross, he can redeem the broken pieces in our lives too.

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It's not going to happen overnight. Sometimes it unfolds slowly. Sometimes we don't fully understand. But God's ability to redeem has never depended on your ability to understand.

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One day you'll probably discover that God was carrying you during moments when you were convinced that you were walking alone. And maybe that's what faith looks like. Not having every answer, but continuing to trust the one who does. Healing doesn't mean forgetting. It doesn't mean pretending everything's okay. It means learning to live with hope and sorrow at the same time. The scars are still there. But remember, scars tell a different story than open wounds. An open wound bleeds every time it's touched. A scar just reminds you of what happened. But also reminds you that healing has taken place. And I think that's what God does to our hearts. He doesn't erase the memory, he doesn't erase the love, but he transforms the wound into a testimony of his faithfulness.

SPEAKER_01 28:08

That's beautiful when you think about it.

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One of the best examples of that kind of face comes from the life of David. David knew what it was like to lose someone he loved. In one of the most heartbreaking moments in Scripture, David's infant son became critically ill. And for days, David fasts. He prays. He lies on the ground. He begs God to spare his child. The closest people around him watch helplessly, hoping for a miracle. But his child passed away. And his servants are afraid to tell him because they're convinced that the news will completely crush him. And instead, David does something completely unexpected. He gets up, he washes, changes his clothes, goes to the house of the Lord, and he worships.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

And he comes home and asks for food.

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People around him have no idea what's going on. They don't understand how someone who was grieving so deeply could suddenly stand up. So David explains it. 2 Samuel 12, 22 and 23, he says, While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live. But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back? I will go to him, but he will not return to me. David wasn't saying, I'm over it. He wasn't pretending that the loss didn't matter. He was acknowledging a very painful reality. That he couldn't change what happened. But he could choose how he would move forward. And maybe one of you need to hear that. Moving forward is not the same as moving on. Those are two really different things. You don't move on from people you love. You carry them with you. You remember their stories. You smile at the memories. Sometimes you still cry. Sometimes both happen in the same moment. And that's okay. Grief isn't a sign that you're stuck. It's often a sign that love still has a place in your heart. And there are days when you will laugh again. And when that day comes, don't feel guilty. Grief has a way of whispering that smiling somehow somehow dishonors the person that you've lost, and it doesn't. Finding joy again is not betrayal. It's evidence that God is continuing to breathe life into a heart that has been deeply wounded. Psalm 30, verse 5, reminds us weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. The verse doesn't promise that every morning feels joyful. Some mornings are incredibly hard. But it reminds us that sorrow is not the final chapter. God is still writing the story. Eventually, almost everyone who's grieving asks another question. And maybe it's the biggest question of all.

SPEAKER_01 32:50

Yeah. You will. But we got to be careful.

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We cannot say more than what Scripture says. The Bible doesn't answer every question we have about heaven. It doesn't tell us everything that we'll do. It doesn't satisfy every curiosity. But what it does tell us is enough to anchor our hope. Jesus said in John 14, 1 through 3, do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me. My father's house has many rooms, and I'm going there to prepare a place for you. I will come back and take you to be with me, that you may also be where I am. Think about what Jesus emphasizes there. Not streets of gold, not gates of pearl, not mansions. His greatest promise is this, that you will be with me. Guys, that's what makes heaven heaven. The greatest gift is not a place, it's a person. Paul understood that. In Philippians 1, 21 through 23, he writes, For to me, to live is Christ and to die is Cain. I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far. Now, Paul wasn't trying to escape life. He just simply knew that being with Jesus was greater than anything that the world could offer. I really want to say something carefully because this is a really sensitive subject. When someone dies, it is natural for us to want certainty about where they are. But scripture teaches that our confidence isn't based on someone being a good person or being deeply loved. Our hope is found in Jesus Christ. Salvation has always been by God's grace through faith in him. At the same time, we also recognize that God alone knows every heart. There are conversations, prayers, and moments that only he sees. So where scripture speaks clearly, we should speak clearly. Where scripture is silent, we should be humble. And that's not uncertainty about God's character. It's confidence that his justice is perfect and his mercy is complete. One day, Jesus will make all things new. Revelation 21:4 gives us one of the most beautiful pictures in all of Scripture. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Think about that moment. No more funerals or hospital rooms, no more phone calls in the middle of the night, no more cancer, no more dementia, no more goodbyes. Not because we become stronger, but because Jesus completely defeated sin and death. That's our hope. It's not wishful thinking or positive thinking. The resurrection of Jesus Christ. Because he walked out of the tomb, death no longer gets the final word. So what do we do until that day? We keep walking. Not because it's easy or that we've got everything figured out, but because we're not walking alone. If you're grieving today, keep talking to God. Even if your prayers feel messy, even if all you can say is, Lord, I don't understand. Even those prayers matter. God is not intimidated by your honesty. Read the Psalms. You're going to discover that some of the strongest expressions of faith came from people whose hearts were shattered. Lean on other believers. Grief tells us to isolate. The gospel invites us into community. Galatians 6 2 says, carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Sometimes God comforts us directly. Sometimes He comforts us through His people.

SPEAKER_01 38:10

If you're listening today and someone you love is grieving, or you're grieving.

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But if you know someone who's grieving, just be there. Sometimes the most healing sentence you can speak is simply, I'm here. Job's friends get criticized later in the story for the advice that they gave, but before they opened their mouths, they did something actually pretty beautiful. They sat with Job for seven days. No speeches, no explanations, no attempt to solve his suffering. They were just there. And sometimes that's exactly what love looks like. Maybe you're carrying a grief that no one can see. Maybe it's the loss of a parent or a spouse or even a child or a close friend.

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Maybe it's something that people don't know about. A miscarriage. The end of a marriage. Diagnosis that changed your future.

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Maybe even you're grieving a dream that never came true. Grief isn't limited to death, by the way. Sometimes we grieve the riot the life that we thought we were going to have. And if that's where you're at, listen, God hasn't abandoned you. He's not disappointed that you're still hurting. He's not wanting you to just get over it. He's with you.

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Walking with you. One day at a time. One step at a time. One breath at a time. I know this was a long episode.

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But it's a tough topic. And I want to leave you with the words of Jesus in John 11, 25 and 26. I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live even if they die. And whoever lives by believing in me will never die. That's the hope that we cling to. Not that we'll avoid grief, not that every question will be answered today, but that because Jesus lives, death doesn't win. That cemetery is not the end of the story. The hospital room, not the end of the story. The diagnosis is not the end of the story. The funeral is not even the end of the story. Jesus is. And because he's alive, everyone who belongs to him has a future that death can never steal.

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Remember that.

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Guys, if this episode encouraged you, or if you know someone who needs this reminder today, I would love for you to share it with them. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone whose grieving isn't an explanation, it's hope. Thank you all so much for spending this time with me. Until next time. This has been Bible Basically, where we are figuring out faith together.